Top Excuses For Not Growing an Impeachment Beard

As you might imagine, by this time I've heard all the excuses a person could possibly give for not growing an impeachment beard, so now, I bring you the...

Top 5 Excuses For Not Growing an Impeachment Beard:

1. "Whenever I try to grow a beard, it just comes in all patchy."
Response: This isn't about looks. Make a statement for once. Be patchy.

2. "A beard makes me itchy."
Response: Not as itchy as two more years of George W.!!

3. "Folks at work would never stand for it."
Response: Don't sweat it. A full beard only makes you look more intelligent and authoritative. Besides, once you tell them it's a political statement, and that you've joined a moment to impeach Bush, they'll only respect you more.

4. "I've got a big date coming up."
Response: What better way to impress someone with your attention to fashion trends than with a big beard? They're back in style!! Just ask Eric Wilson at the New York Times!

5. "But I'm a Republican."
Response: Hell, these days even Republicans are getting in on the action. So go ahead. Relive your hippie days. Let your freak flag fly!

Oddly enough, the only excuse I haven't heard yet is:
"But...I like Bush!"